Spiritual Descent
What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice?
1 Sam 15:22
For weeks, maybe months, I felt like I was walking around in a bubble and in the grips of something terribly strong. The feeling was piercing my whole body, and I imagined being in the teeth of an alligator. "No, not that." A T-rex. "Close… Aha!" An excavator bucket with a thumb attachment was clearly what I envisioned. I felt this crushing and tugging only when I was in the church.
I remember asking myself while screaming internally, "What's wrong with me! And why is this only happening when I'm in church!" Strangely, I whispered, "I'm bitter."
In my semi-abstract illustration, "Spiritual Descent," I skewed the top of the door to point into the mouth of the excavator bucket, signifying that if I walked out that door, I would be devoured by the enemy of my soul. The oversized eyes above the church symbolize that God sees all, and He has His loving eyes on me (Ps 32:8). I used a spectrum of red analogous colors to demonstrate that God is in the fire with me. The orientation of the triangular, prismatic rocks in the steep, sloped hills creates a downward motion juxtaposed to the church, portraying the agony of sliding into my descent. I selected the color green for the church building because this color symbolizes spiritual growth, restoration, hope, and new beginnings. The musical bar and notes represent, in part, how I fought this battle: I decided to keep showing up, singing and raising my hands, and shouting "Hallelujah!" Truly, when my praises went up, my Deliverer's, my Healer's, my Comforter's, my Father's blessings came down.
One day, recognizing that I did not feel the grip, I wanted to pat the air as if to check for it in my surroundings. Was it gone? Was I done with this trial? My bubble had popped, too! Awakened, suddenly I had assumed a right heart posture as I shifted and reunited with the Church (Eph. 4). A holy portal was activated, i.e., Jesus was the Door. People were talking to me and hugging me, and it was strange, but a good strange—a wonderful strange. I felt the relief from God washing over me and refreshing my soul. The impact goes on, so I'll just say, it is super true that obedience is better than sacrifice and submission is better than offering my best gifts (1 Sam 15:22).
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (PS 139: 23-24).
In spiritual contexts, "descent" primarily refers to three distinct concepts: a transformative inner journey, the movement of divine forces into the human experience, or a non-biological lineage of faith. (Google AI search result)
